How to Speak Your Partner’s Love Language


You’ve probably heard of the five love languages before. They are based on Dr. Gary Chapman’s 1992 seminal book, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.” The book outlines five of the best ways people can effectively communicate and bond with their mates for better relationships.

Chapman argues that all five love languages are enjoyed by all people to at least some degree, but every person has a primary love language and a secondary love language, that they feel the most loved when spoken to and communicated with in that way. People who read his book and take the profile test at the end can figure out their love language, but most people know theirs intuitively.

The most successful relationships, Dr. Chapman argues, are when both partners speak each other’s love languages fluently, and give and receive love according to their partner’s wants and needs. Remember, most people’s preferred love language (how they like to be treated) is also how they speak their own love language (the love language they use to treat their partner), but learning your spouse’s preferred love language and speaking to them that way is the best recipe for success.

Dr. Chapman is a world-renowned speaker, preacher and author whose works have touched millions of lives, and while living in quarantine it’s more important than ever to communicate effectively (and not want to kill) your spouse. So, what are the five love languages, and how do you speak your partner’s love language in quarantine? Read our suggestions, below!

Photo credit: Silviarita (Pixabay)

Words of Affirmation

If your love language is words of affirmation, you love communicating your feelings, sending and receiving text messages, and a handwritten love letter sends chills down your spine. If you or your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, we suggest:

  1. Leaving love post-it notes around the house with reasons why you love them
  2. Writing them a love letter and leaving it on their pillow to discover later that day
  3. Telling them one thing you appreciate about them every day
  4. Writing about your experience together during this time in a gratitude journal
  5. Sending them an extra “I love you!” text once in a while, even if you’re sitting across from each other every day working from home together

Quality Time

People whose love language is quality time love creating memories with those they care about. Quality time can mean playing a board game together, or baking brownies as a couple; sitting mindlessly together while you’re both on your phones, unfortunately, doesn’t count. Some ways to show love if your partner’s love language is quality time include:

  1. Baking a special brunch together once a week
  2. Dressing up together, setting a fancy dinner table, and having a romantic dinner at home (include candles!)
  3. Having a board game and/or puzzle night (no electronics or distractions!)
  4. Dusting off the bikes from the garage and go biking to a park (pack a picnic for a sweet surprise)
  5. Ordering several of their favorite wines and do a wine and cheese pairing event at home

Receiving Gifts

People who speak the love language of receiving gifts aren’t selfish, they love to both receive and give gifts. This need not be fancy or expensive gifts, but thoughtful intentions from the heart count the most. Some ideas to speak their love language during quarantine include:

  1. Creating a special “Quarantine Mix” on your Spotify of their favorite songs. Better yet, burn a CD for them to jam out to for a future drive!
  2. Ordering them a special treat when you do your weekly InstaCart order (mint chip ice cream, anyone?)
  3. Making them a special “Quarantine Care Package” for a spa night at home- think face masks, nail polish, bath bombs, a juicy novel, and maybe a delicious dark chocolate bar
  4. Donating to their favorite charity in their honor
  5. Taking a peek at their Amazon Wish List and ordering something they’ve been eyeing for a while

Acts of Service

If your love language is acts of service, you enjoy it when your spouse takes out the trash, but you also may show love by doing the same. Nothing says romance like a freshly cleaned house and groomed pet. Some ways to speak your spouse’s love language of acts of service include:

  1. Letting them sleep in and cooking breakfast/doing dishes for the children one morning
  2. Washing and vacuuming their car
  3. Tuning up their bike (oiling the chain, fresh air in the tires) and encouraging them to enjoy some alone time with a solo ride
  4. Taking over dish duty after dinner for a few nights per week
  5. Surprising them by tackling the ever-growing laundry pile

Physical Touch

If your spouse’s love language is physical touch, they feel most connected to you when you’re cuddling, snuggling, and generally in close proximity, especially but not limited to sharing moments of physical intimacy. Some ways to speak their love language include:

  1. Allowing for extra snuggle time by sleeping in together on the weekends
  2. Giving them a back massage
  3. Randomly approaching them and hugging them throughout the day
  4. Putting the kids to bed early one night and cuddling up on the couch together to watch a good movie
  5. Having a good ol’fashioned make out session

These pandemic times can be especially tough, but learning to speak your partner’s love language can make all the difference between growing and thriving as a couple during this time, and seriously getting on each other’s nerves. Have you found ways to better connect with your partner during this time? What strategies have worked for you as a couple? Share this post and share your stories below; we love to hear from our readers!

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